Reply to What do I do if I suspect domestic abuse?

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[quote=Anonymous]Oof. So, I was the woman in this situation years ago. There are really only 3 paths you can take:

1. Cut off all contact with her. ALL. Never look her up, block her everywhere, and walk away (this is what my EA partner did. And yes, you are having an EA).

2. Tell her you will support her if she wants to leave him, unconditionally, whether she lies or not, but there is zero romantic future with you two. You make this extremely clear and you stick to it. Treat her the way you would if she was a female friend who was 20 years older and 200 pounds heavier. No more emotional affair.

3. You ride in as the knight in shining armor and rescue her. Which means you now agree to take her into your home, take her as your responsibility, along with any kids she has. Unconditionally. Whether or not she’s honest. (This happened to a friend of mine, he rescued her, they got married, and are very happy).

The problem is you’re giving mixed signals. You’re EA, and while abuse is never okay, what you did was wrong (and I doubt you’re THAT concerned about her well being, because if you didn’t want her to be abused, you wouldn’t have given her H ammo to use against her). You’re cutting her off yet still somehow know all these things about her life, which shows you’re still interested. You’re telling her you’re not interested while having deep conversations late into the night.

Pick one and stick with it. Personally, I’m happy my EA cut me off. I now recognize we would have ended up in yet another completely dysfunctional relationship. And I was strong enough to leave on my own. My friend, though, wasn’t strong enough to leave on her own and really needed to be rescued by someone who was willing to take her on as his responsibility. [/quote]

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