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[quote=Anonymous]I’m in a marriage that has functioned more like a business partnership for years, mainly focused on raising our two children. Since our first child was born, the relationship shifted, and for nearly a decade it’s been essentially sexless, with only a few exceptions.

Recently, I met a woman who was also married and told me she was in a similarly stagnant marriage. We grew close, and on two occasions had late-night phone calls. It never became a physical affair, but there were feelings involved, and we were emotionally crossing boundaries.

Not long after, her husband—who is extremely controlling—called me out of the blue and confronted me. I told him the truth: nothing had happened beyond conversations and friendship. He refused to believe it and made bizarre and graphic accusations. A few weeks earlier, he had interrogated her about the condition of her underwear and accused her of cheating based on “more discharge than normal.”

Meanwhile, she had started lying to me, saying she was separated, had filed for a domestic violence protective order, and had hired an attorney. I knew these weren’t true because the things she described didn’t line up—her “court dates” weren’t on the public docket, and some details she gave were clear violations of legal procedure.

Her husband later discovered she was still reaching out to me, and he threatened to “expose” me. I told him I would pursue a defamation claim because his accusations were false and provably so. He then told his wife that I had admitted to sleeping with her. He also tried to hack her email and blamed it on me. At that point, it was obvious that staying in contact with either of them would only make things spiral further, so I cut ties entirely.

They supposedly started counseling, but she kept trying to reach out — sending subtle signals on social media, asking mutual friends about me, even showing up at an event and trying to get my attention. I ignored her and told her I’d only reconnect if she committed to being 100% honest.

A month later, I learned her situation had worsened significantly. Her husband has isolated her completely: she’s not allowed to see friends, talk to anyone, or have contact with her family. Her 9 year old child is now ordering her around and being unkind to her, which is uncharacteristic. Recently she was permitted to have lunch with a mutual friend, she begged the friend not to leave. Her husband required her to FaceTime him repeatedly and show him the entire restaurant.

Her brother is currently in ICE detention, and her husband is “helping” by talking to the attorney — but she doesn’t know anything about what’s actually happening. There’s a real possibility he tipped off ICE, because he has always been afraid of her brother.

I am worried she is now fully in an abusive, coercive, controlled situation now. And maybe my cutting off contact accelerated this!

I’m not trying to have a relationship with her. But I’m terrified that if I turn away completely, I’m enabling or prolonging the abuse. I don’t know what the right thing to do is.[/quote]

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