Reply to Who do I tell about this during divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP and here’s a dumb question but humor me: what are any of these people going to do with this information? It’s my understanding that basically any outcome for custody will be 50/50. I want to take some kind of action to protect DC but it doesn’t seem like there is a way to do so. I don’t think I can ask STBX to take a parenting class. Isn’t that something a judge would decide and only if we went to trial? And how would an attorney leverage any of this? Unless we were in court it seems like my STBX’s attorney would just brush any of this off as irrelevant.

Sorry for the rambling thoughts. My budget is tight so I always try to figure out what my specific asks should be to my attorney before I talk to them.[/quote]

Theoretically a parenting class or coach would help him stop and do better. I have a STBX that I'm skeptical will stop behavior towards kids regardless of the intervention, so I get your concern.

But if he [i]doesn't[/i] stop, if you have a coach that person can testify in a future hearing along with your documentation if the situation escalates. A judge doesn't have to order a coach to begin with - you can just agree on it.

That said, fighting anything here will cause your STBX's behavior to ramp up, so it becomes a terrible parenting decision no one wants to make: how bad does the behavior have to be before you're willing to temporarily make it worse to see if you can spend the money to make it better.

You might get a custody outcome that's more like 70/30 than 50/50, and if the behavior is literally causing physical issues than wouldn't that be something? You never want to go into a hearing or mediation fighting to cut out STBX - that makes you look terrible in front of a judge or mediator. Plus it's bad for your kid to model that behavior unless there's a danged good reason, like the parenting coach saying that's what's needed for now. But if you come in with copious documentation - especially with backup from a school counselor, pediatrican, and professional the court trusts - you might get something. I mean migranes (headaches + throwing up reads migranes to me, correct me if I'm wrong) is pretty stinking terrible.[/quote]

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