Reply to Wwyd re father in law

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What would I do?  I’d take an evening to de-stress and treat myself.  I’d probably change into my worn-out comfy clothes, order a pizza, and pick out something to watch on TV.

In the future, knowing he won’t pay or help with meals, I’d keep things as simple as possible.  It sounds like you were trying to impress someone who was too wrapped up in themselves to take notice.  Next time, don’t bother.  He can join you for spaghetti, tacos, sandwiches, whatever you feel like serving.  You can also ask him to help.   He’ll either pitch in as requested or it will disincentivize him from future visits - win/win.  You might even consider suggesting he’d be more comfortable in a hotel.

My MIL used to spend a significant portion of her visits trying to make me into a better wife.  On various visits she:

Decided I needed to start a flower garden.  It was in the middle of the summer.

Brought a pecan tart recipe for me to make for her (I don’t like pecans) and demonstrated using a sharp knife to release them from my non-stick muffin pan, scratching the coating

Rearranged my linen closet so she could move some of the games from the games closet to my linen shelves

Reorganized my kitchen utensils by moving my cooking spoons, spatulas, etc., from the drawer I kept them in to standing them in the dirty vase behind the sink.

When we first married and were living in NON-SMOKING apartments she argued with us about not allowing her to smoke on the balcony, even though it violated our lease.

Visiting her was worse.

Every family has its issues and visits can be stressful, but unless there is actual harm done, I think supporting those bonds is important.  Actual abuse should never be tolerated, but occasional bad manners can usually be endured and/or managed.  [/quote]

Thanks for this thoughtful response. I’m just super annoyed because I feel like no one got anything out of this visit. Father in law got an all you can eat resort holiday and the rest of us got to cater to someone who never asked once how we were doing. Coupled with this was the fact we all had severe health issues and employment issues this year. Didn’t inquire once. [/quote]

Do you think he's neurodivergent? Although now I'm thinking about it, my husband and son, who are both on the spectrum, would have inquired about your troubles automatically because they've been told that this is the rule. They obey rules. Your FIL does sound quite unpleasant. I hope you don't feel obligated to host him often!
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