Reply to How to talk to dd about friend who constantly baits her ?

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[quote=Anonymous]I agree with talking with your DD, when the friend isn't around, about gossip generally, but not making it about her friend. Make it about you sharing your values with her and talking about why you choose not to gossip in your own life, or how you handle it when a friend starts talking about others to avoid engaging in gossip.

One thing I have done with my daughter regarding gossip is tell her a personal story from my past about being the subject of gossip and how it hurt me. One element of this story that really resonated with my daughter is that the gossip was not true, and in fact this was one reason it got passed along like wildfire. People wanted to talk about it because it was information that seemed contrary to what they knew about me, and that made people enthusiastic to discuss it. It felt "juicy" specifically because it was improbable.

I have enough emotional distance from this memory to talk about it with DD without getting emotional or upset, so the conversation isn't about her feeling sorry for me or trying to make me feel better. I think that's key. Your child is not your therapist.

Instead, I use it as an object lesson for why I don't gossip and why I hope she won't either. I also tell her that I did gossip sometimes before that happened, so it was a lesson for me as well. And now whenever I hear information about someone, I always think about whether they would personally want me to pass that information on before I talk about it with anyone else. I also question sources when people tell me about others and never trust info about another person unless I have first person knowledge or know it from them directly -- people lie, misunderstand, and misremember.[/quote]

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