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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My boyfriend had a nine year relationship with a woman.  They broke up several years ago.  He told me that he was never really in love with her, but the relationship worked out on a superficial level for many years.  He felt early on that she was not someone that he wanted to marry or stay with for life, but they both enjoyed the companionship and he was honest with her.  They eventually broke up, but remained friends and in casual contact.  We have been dating for 3 years and he recently proposed to me.  I love him very much and I'm excited about our engagement, but I sometimes think about his previous relationship and why he remained in the relationship knowing that he was not interested in a future.  It worries me a bit.  I brought up my concerns and he told me that his feelings for me are very different and we are a lot more compatible.  My therapist tells me that it isnt that different from a marriage that ended in divorce and sometimes people can grow apart or they stay together long-term because it is comfortable and there isn't anything else or better out there.  I just don't think that I would stay in a nine year relationship knowing that there wasn't a future with the guy.  [/quote]

If you are feeling insecure about your relationship, I think it's somewhat positive that he has been on a commitment-escalation track with you. Do you feel that he had a hard time committing at various other stages of the relationship? It doesn't sound like he was engaged to his ex, just that they stayed together without engagement for longer than you are comfortable with.

My husband was married before me, and he has been pretty clear that he married her for the wrong reasons, that they were incompatible, and that none of those things apply to our relationship, which he is very committed to in a way that apparently didn't exist in his previous relationships. It's not impossible.[/quote]

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