Reply to Discovering Affair 10 Years After The Fact

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't see any upside here. Ignore it and it will gnaw at you. Confront and it will obviously upset the apple cart.

How do you KNOW? Are you sure you aren't jumping to a conclusion?

If you raise it, you need to be prepared to be lied to, gaslit or otherwise minimized. Which also won't exactly strengthen your marriage.

Are you sure there weren't others? Are you sure the affair didn't produce any children?[/quote]

I am the OP.

I came home early from work 2 hours early because we lost power at the office. She was on the phone with her best friend. She had buds in. I wasn't eavesdropping. She thought she was in an empty house and was very loud because of the buds. From what I could glean, the best friend had bumped into the AP at DCA and was telling her about it. I heard enough that I knew to question it and how. She eventually admitted it but grew extremely prickly, almost hostile really, with any question I had. She eventually got angry with me over the questions and walked out. It was truly odd, like I was the bad guy.

I don't have any evidence of others but my mind is racing[/quote]

BTDT. That was the minimization I was talking about. Next she'll downplay what it was, say nothing physical happened, lie about the length of it, and so on. If you press, you'll eventually get trickle truth.

If the guy was at DCA, there's also the possibility that they connected this past week. Any time that wasn't accounted for?

IME, these are rarely one-offs. Either the fling has been on-and-off through the years or there are likely others.

And the fact that she told a FRIEND is also wild. You could ask the friend as well. At least the friend knowing you know will cause them to be a little careless.

I really don't know how to advise you except to keep your powder dry and maybe do some more investigating. Check the cloud to see if text messages are showing up on shared devices, check for hidden messaging apps, check your phone line history if you have any inkling of something currently ongoing or if there is a period in time that you now reflect on as odd. Check to see if there are any burner e-mail accounts; Gmail may still have things from that time. Maybe consider hiring a PI, especially if you are in Virginia and think you might divorce her and there is a huge income difference, as adultery is a crime in VA and can affect alimony and asset division in a divorce.

Should you decide to divorce, I'll tell you the best advice I got: Proceed as if the rest of your financial life is at stake. Because it is. And do your best to preserve your dignity.[/quote]

All of this. Sorry you chose a lying, cheating wh*re. Kick her out and divorce.[/quote]

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