Reply to Did you have a strained relationship with a parent, and now they are dead, but you still harbor resentment and anger?

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Reply to "Did you have a strained relationship with a parent, and now they are dead, but you still harbor resentment and anger?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes.  I had therapy and worked on the forgiveness part a lot, for my dad who died.  It didn't help that he had an illness that kind of brought out the scary abusive side of him just before he died.  I eventually got about halfway there.  Pretty recently, I started going through my dad's things and piecing together his life.  And I think it was then that I was finally able to forgive him completely and see him as a whole human being who went through a lot, overcame great odds (I mean like real trauma - abuse, war, being orphaned), and probably did the best he could.

I could not forgive my mom for a long time, mostly because she is still living and she re-triggers me on the regular. But I eventually got there too. I mean I'm over 50, so it just took a really long time.

It's ok to be on your own timeline.  It's also helpful to know that forgiveness is not a gift to them.  It's a gift to yourself.  It's a weight off your shoulders.  The anger and resentment is baggage you carry and it weighs on your soul, and it also robs you of the ability to take control over how your living parent's actions affect you.  At the same time, I understand the attachment to that baggage.  It's tied to some semblance of hope and wish that things were different.  So it requires letting go of that hope. [/quote]

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