Reply to Shift in 9th, saying he doesn’t care, labeled as smart, do things that are “nerdy”. Thoughts?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son is a freshman and it has been a big adjustment in high school with lots of homework especially playing a sport this fall. However, he seems to have even out a little bit and figure out what he needs to do and overall is doing well. He has mostly A’s and a couple Bs.

There have been a couple of assignments that he’s missed been turned in late – – he does have ADHD and I think it’s just a lot to manage.

He’s always been a very diligent student and that remains however he started saying things like “you don’t want to be the student who turns in all their homework no one does that” or “ I don’t care where I go to college it doesn’t matter anyway“. We literally don’t even talk about colleges! I don’t know if he’s feeling pressure in general just being around smart kids or what? This is his way of processing it all?

He also seems to have a weird distinction/aversion to being “nerdy“ or labeled as smart. He doesn’t want to do theater or chest – – things he’s loved in the past because he’s afraid he will be labeled I guess? We are very supportive of whatever he does. It’s a shift— I think he may be more aware of trying to be cool/fit in with “ cool kids.” Honestly I don’t love that.

I think some of it is defensive behavior/not being able to deal with the emotions that come along with that times not having things completely under control (forget to turn something in, just say you don’t care)? I’m not sure?

But he is working hard and he does seem to mostly be on top of things to date, we are just going to make sure that continues.

If/When/how should I address it more directly? More late/missed work? Grades slipping?

And I wish you would try for things like theater because he truly enjoyed them so much in middle school but I think it’s probably best to not push [/quote]

So normal for boys this age. Total aversion to being seen as a 'try hard'. They are also trying to figure out who they are. You can sympathize but also tell them to do a favor to their future selves and not close doors by making dumb academic decisions. [/quote]

OP here – – this is very helpful! And that will be our talking point[/quote]

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