Reply to Needing to change expectations (vent post)

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[quote=Anonymous]I think there is some adjustment of expectations that happens. I certainly stopped expecting that my kid would turn in all homework, and I accepted it would impact his grades.

One thing I didn’t change is the expectation to have a future - whatever that might be for him. I thought he was capable of college and consistently explained that college was more than academics. It was a chance to experience a new part of the country, make new friends and expose oneself to all kinds of careers and learning that weren’t available in HS. I made it clear that highly ranked colleges don’t matter, and grades during college don’t matter much either. We also talked about non-college required career options, and I made it clear that that would be fine too.

I think the most important thing I did was consistently nurture my kids interests - talking to them about stuff they were interested in, signing them up for new things they wanted to try. That’s so important for kids with ADHD.

And I changed my concept of my role. I am not the enforcer or pusher. I am here to expose my kid to a variety of opportunities, to give them options for support and to encourage them and love them through successes and failures. And, the most important thing I could teach them is that failure is common and part of the learning experience.

Ultimately, he found his path and is in college and doing fine and happy, which I really had doubts about given that, in true ADHD fashion, we were scrambling about the last few weeks of school trying to make sure he would graduate.

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