Reply to Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA) "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]A.I.T.A - adult sibling edition; 2-part question.

1) Is it unreasonable to invite your 16-year-old niece to go with you and your two kids (rising 3rd & 6th grade) to Europe for a month, where you would rent an apartment/cottage and do a slow-travel trip (exploring the area and doing day trips).  Your parents/her grandparents have offered to pay for her 2 flights needed (1 small flight to the main airport where you will fly out with the kids and then the overnight flight to Europe).  You are renting an apartment that is big enough for at least 4 people (possibly more) and your husband will be joining you for the last 8-10 days of the trip, so for a big portion of it, it would be just you and the three kids.  You will pay for food, museums, & travel expenses for your niece (and will probably treat her to some other little things during the trip, like maybe some matching shirts or jewelry, ect).  She would help watch your kids occasionally for short periods of time at your rental (maybe 30 minutes while they watch tv/play on tablets so you can take a solo walk, maybe one morning or afternoon alone, and one evening while you go out for dinner with your husband to celebrate your anniversary).  Beyond that, she would be included in activities and also given some free time to explore the town (with an apple tag and cell phone on her as a requirement, but we’d be staying in a smaller, super safe town).  Depending on where we land with location, I have friends with some teens who she could possibly hang out with or there could be some cool teen/youth activities she could sign up for.

Is it unreasonable to NOT offer to pay her in ADDITION to bringing her along on a free trip and covering her general expenses while there? She would NOT be babysitting daily or anything like that.  There wasn’t even a full discussion about what would be fully included/not included, the mother immediately shut it down and made it seem like the aunt is trying to exploit her niece and just wants a cheap babysitter, not to invite her niece along to have a wonderful experience, ect. 
I imagine that her grandparents (my parents) would gift her with some extra spending money (especially if she keeps up her grades and makes honor roll) and I imagine other relatives would gift her some money to have on her trip.  It would be her 1st trip to Europe and she’s been wanting to go with me on a trip for a long time.  I am NOT wealthy and would NOT be able to afford to pay for her airfare and then her daily expenses and then pay her.  I am renting an airbnb, where we can get a great deal and we would be making our own simple meals much of the time, but would go out for gelato, probably a pastry/cold drink/coffee, ect. And a occasional other meals out.  
This past summer, my niece did nothing all summer long (she did not go on vacation with her mom/siblings as they were tent-camping for a long road-trip and she wasn’t into that) and she hasn’t gotten a ton of great opportunities due to a variety of reasons, so me, my parents, and another sibling thought this would be a terrific opportunity.  I have done A LOT to help out this sibling in the past and do a lot to really try and love and care for her kids; make sure that they know their aunt loves them.

My sister was very upset with me for not offering to pay her in addition to covering everything else and our parents covering her flights.  She was upset that I had mentioned that it would be wonderful to surprise her with this gift at christmas, and if she wants to babysit around her neighborhood to earn extra spending money, she would have plenty of time to do so.  (my sister would not have to pay for her daughter’s living expenses that entire month….).

2) Is it reasonable for someone to expect that their adult siblings+spouses+children would rearrange and cancel ANY plans they had previously made, regardless of how long-standing those plans were, to attend her 2nd wedding? She has multiple children from her 1st marriage, has relied on her parents for financial support for many years & continues to rely on them, and while she has been in a relationship with her fiance for over 3 years, she complained about him almost daily for a solid year before dumping him in May, being extremely hateful to him, and then getting back together with him in August and then announcing in early October that they are getting married….so it’s only been a couple of months since they’ve been back together.

They have planned a destination wedding across the country (in a location far from where any other family lives and requires you to fly), pay for a car rental, lodging, food, ect.?

Is it hateful of the sibling to say that they will NOT cancel their long-standing vacation plans, and because they cannot afford to do their long-standing family vacation AND the wedding, the sibling will attend the wedding solo, leaving their spouse & kids at home in order to save money?  When several family members suggested they explore some beautiful locations within driving distance of home (that have also been special places to them) and would be much more affordable for everyone, the bride-to-be yelled at her family and said the decision was done, how dare you suggest that, ect.  
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics