Reply to DD says “I’ll never have good friends”

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[quote=Anonymous]DD10 started a new school last year.  Last year was socially tough; she was “friendly” with a bunch of kids, but no one she considered “friends”.  I’d volunteer at school events and see her alone a lot.  This year, she’s in a different class & socially it’s definitely better.  When I see her at birthday parties & class events, she’s never alone anymore, she’s always talking with other girls.  She’s been invited to play dates a couple times vs. zero times last year.  I’ve gotten friendly with a few parents, and it’s probably in part because we get along, but in part also because they see their girls are friends with DD.

Even with things being so much better, DD still gets sad and says “I’ll never have good friends.”  I’ve told her that things will change in middle school where kids will re-form their friend groups outside of their parents.  I also think that a lot of her sadness has to do with her personality - she tends towards “glass half empty” and won’t recognize that a lot of girls are like her (i.e., casual friends only, no besties).  I also think being overly focused on having good friends is self-defeating; she tends to focus on one girl, and it’s happened a couple times that the girl will start pulling away for whatever reason, then DD will get upset, maybe possessive or sensitive around said girl, which makes that girl want to pull away even more.  I’ve told her to hang out with several girls instead of focusing on one, and she’ll be happier for it.  But I feel like in this situation, as well as in general, she will understand and agree with what I’m saying, but still choose to be unhappy.

It makes me both sad and frustrated to see her like this.  I don’t think my words help her.  Should I just listen, not offer advice, and just let it go?   Anything else I can do?
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