Reply to Someone that can't communicate clearly / gaslights

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband does the s but it isn't gaslighting because it's not intentional.

It happens because there are a lot of conversations where he is only 10-20% paying attention, but he's still providing opinions. His knee jerk response is often to be dismissive or negative about things, especially if they (1) cost money, or (2) require time/effort.

If I disagree, he will vaguely pay attention to my argument but not really think about the conversation with clarity.

Then time will pass and we'll discuss it again, and he will present my argument back to me as if it was his own. Or sometimes he will claim he doesn't care about the subject of the discussion and never did (after expressing a strong negative opinion previously). When I get frustrated at his sudden change of opinion, he will claim we never discussed it before.

I am describing this with clarity because we went to therapy and he did it in therapy. The therapist literally showed him notes from prior sessions to show it had been discussed. It was really wild.

It isildly better since he's been made aware he does this, but it still happens. One thing I do that helps is write down notes from important conversations and email them to him. He's then supposed to read them and either affirm he still thinks what he said or amend his opinion. This forces him to be accountable for what he says.

It's a lot of work for me, though, so I only do it for big stuff, like discussing whether we can afford to send out DC to private for middle. I don't bother with stuff like whether we'll go to a dinner party we were invited to. So it's still a problem.[/quote]

Interesting and frustrating dynamic![/quote]

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