Reply to Why do women want to hang on to cheating men they seem to despise??

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Why do women want to hang on to cheating men they seem to despise??"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I stayed with my cheating xH for 3 years. It was a few things:

1. The biggest was honestly being so emotionally overwhelmed I didn't know what to do. I know everyone says leave immediately, but I actually think often it's better to give it time so your nervous system can get regulated again and you can make clear headed, strategic decisions. It's okay to not make a decision right away.

2. He swore up and down he'd change an got therapy. I believed him.

3. We had an infant, and I wanted badly to keep our family together.

It took about 2.5 years of grieving, therapy, and soul-searching until I really figured out what I wanted to do. I was gearing up to leave him when I discovered him cheating again, so we ended things immediately.

As for bearing responsibility for his cheating: yes, he was unhappy. I could tell he was unhappy being married and having a child.

But, no matter what I did, he was always unhappy.

His ideal life was with me doing everything - paying the bills, all the domestic work and childcare, leaving him alone to sit on his phone until 2am and sleep in until 12pm. I'm ashamed to say I gave in and did these things for a long, long time so he could be 'happy'. It didn't make him happy, and it didn't stop him from cheating.

I could bend over backwards to try to make him happy and it ultimately never did. I can't be responsible for his happiness. And ultimately, I still don't think he's a happy person, even though he's gone and now has the freedom he so badly wanted.

My best guess is that he still has deep childhood wounds from being rejected by his parents (dad left, he was youngest of 6 so completely ignored by overwhelmed mom) and he needs constant validation from women to feel good about himself. I can't fix that, that's a wound he needs to address and grieve on his own.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics