Reply to Why do women want to hang on to cheating men they seem to despise??

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If your spouse is cheating on you, it's generally a sign that he's unhappy in the marriage. And if you are completely blindsided, it means you have not been paying attention to signs of unhappiness in someone you supposedly love. Not excusing cheating: it's an unhealthy and hurtful way to act out. But I am kind of baffled by all the posts from women who say, at the same time, "that no good SOB cheated on me" and "like hell will I get divorced."

If he's just a no good SOB, why would you want to stay married? And do you not bear any responsibility for his cheating? Either you ignored his unhappiness or you have been a doormat and made him think there is no consequence for cheating.

Again, not justifying the cheating: if a man is unhappy, for whatever reason, he should use his words like a big boy, discuss and try to resolve the problems if possible, or leave the marriage if not possible. He should not lie. But successful marriages take two people. Both need to take some responsibility for the overall happiness of the marriage, and for trouble-shooting when things are not great. I see all these posts on here from women who both villify their cheating partners and insist that they aren't going to "let them" leave. [/quote]

1. It's pretty messed up to say "do you not bear any responsibility for (betrayal and violation, possible health effects, major life change, etc.)".
2. The people I know who have tried to stay married after someone cheats usually are trying to preserve the family unit for some reason. It is also often the case that the person who was cheated on WANTS to stay married while the cheater does not. That doesn't evaporate immediately for some people.[/quote]

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