Reply to Christmas Stress/Rigidity

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Reply to "Christmas Stress/Rigidity"

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband, who is on the spectrum, had many an anger episode at Christmas because he has a hard time with something outside of his routine that also comes with social expectations. Now the kids are older, more predictable, and we've significantly pared down the holidays (fewer people, fewer events), he doesn't get upset anymore. He's also gotten used to the way I do things and manage the household (he comes from a different culture and Christmas, while acknowledged, wasn't a big deal in his family).

1. I would talk with your child every single day about her goal for this holiday: trying to keep emotions in check. This is a long-term goal that she's going to have to work on for years anyway. Tell her that she's old enough to understand the concept of proportional response. Nothing that happens apart from someone getting physically hurt, or the house burning down, is worthy of a cry. If she's feeling overwhelmed, her goal is to warn you, and work on understanding that this is no one's fault; and that she can go and calm down in a quiet room, then rejoin the group.

2. I would significantly pare down the holiday. Maybe larger, more expensive gifts, but just two per kid. Something they each want. Nothing that's a need! The needs stuff can be given at other times.

3. She seems to be stressing about the complexity of the event because her brain wants to keep track of all the details. Don't give her so many details to keep track of. Don't forget people on the spectrum may be unreliable reporters when it comes to their own feelings and why they have them. Maybe there's too much conversation, too much music, too many different dishes on the table, too many special decorations, and they're all prickly, and the tablecloth pattern is bothersome. Who knows? You can maybe have a quieter Christmas, with less stuff, but the stuff you have should wow everyone. Like one huge tree, instead of garlands strewn around the house or a second tree somewhere. One decorated cake for dessert, instead of various sweets. One impressive entree, etc. Christmas music put on low, not blasted at full volume, with breaks for silence. Maybe it's the sheer overload of sensory stuff that's making her hyperfocus on comparing presents, etc, as a means to distract herself.

It's hard to give you specifics, because each autistic child is different. My autistic son is happy with his noise-blocking headphones and isn't prone to anger or tears. When things get too much, he removes himself and reads in his room.[/quote]

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