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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah...this is tough.  I'm sure the mean kids, when they saw her new clothes said something like - 'Oh look at Susie, with her new brand name clothes; she's trying to look like us!' very sarcastically.  You can't win with these types, and it's not worth trying.

I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter.  I agree that your daughter should focus on other friendships and interests.  It's ok if she's a band 'geek' or whatever. I spent a good part of my youth trying to be one of the cool kids and likely missed out on some friendships with people who actually wanted to be my friend.

[b]I might also talk to the guidance counselor.  It's awkward at this age to write up a bullying report for what are likely group-think and not really major infractions (although I know they feel major), and you don't want to make the situation worse for your daughter.  But, it sounds like the school needs to do more in terms of a zero tolerance policy on bullying and teasing.  [/b]

I've taught in a number of different schools with different emphases on bullying.  What I have noticed is that in the schools where they are very explicit about expectations for a positive school culture, there are still 'popular' and 'unpopular' kids.  However, the popular kids just segregate and don't hang out with the other kids.  They don't go out of their way to be mean to them and can work well during class when they need to.  In the other schools, because it's allowed to happen, the kids are actively mean to kids who don't fit in in quite the same way.

Hope your DD powers through this.  I know my own middle school experiences have made me a stronger person, if that helps any.  [/quote]

We actually did this. I emailed the school counselor, who then spoke with my daughter at school (privately), and the school counselor reached out to the teacher. (This was all before the holiday break.) The school counselor emailed me back and said that my daughter was not the only one reporting a problem in the class. So the counselor and the teacher did a lesson (as part of the monthly guidance lesson schedule) with a strict no-tolerance for bullying message. (No names were mentioned about the instigation for the lesson.) The class wrote their own "I believe . . ." form of a Bill of Rights for the class. I asked my daughter if she thought the lesson would help. She said she hoped so. (But who really knows?)

I told her I was proud of her for going to the counselor about this. I also told her since she was not the only one, this was not all in her head, and there were others that were probably too afraid to speak up, so what she did helped those kids, too.

You raise an important point that "the right clothes" probably won't change anything. I just hope some of it will help her blend in more (if that makes any sense).

Thanks for your advice and for the reminder that in the long term it will all blow over. Still hurts to watch it in the midst of things, though. (sigh)[/quote]

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