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[quote=Anonymous]Hi,

I am a mom of two girls (3 and 7), my husband and I have been fighting for years off and on, and it’s getting worse as each year goes by…. We got married after knowing each other for 6 months in 2012, and unfortunately we never developed deep personal connection. I don’t feel like he is my best friend or concerned with my feelings. He is not putting an effort, although I’ve been very  flexible and tolerant. For years, I’ve been reaching out to talk, to go to therapy, however he is not interested. I recently started to say “No” to sex, and we can go for weeks without talking (unless it’s about kids). To him, I am just nagging and making noise when I am trying to express my feelings…

What has been holding me back from divorce: 1) He currently makes around $130k, I make around $320k (not because he is not career driven or wants me to support him, but due to his late arrival to US and getting US education later than I did). It does put a lot of pressure on me as I am the one who takes care of all finances (he takes care of vacation home with $200k mortgage), kids’ activities, Dr appointments, kids when they are sick, etc. I have a lot of responsibilities at work, but a little bit more flexibility. While he is in early stages of his career, and has less flexibility (he is turning 40 this year). 2) He is a good dad, he helps with pick up and drop off 2-3 times a week, he cooks well 1-2 times per week. 3) I am very attached to my kids, I don’t know how I can bare to be without them… 4) I like my lifestyle and I don’t want to pay alimony, seems a little unfair as I have always been the one who took care of kids while he was in college and then once he got the job and was building his career. 5) I don’t want to go thru emotional stress of divorce and separation.

We have a paid off townhouse, new home $1.2M (downpayment $250k), and vacation home with the mortgage of $200k value $650k. I really would love to keep vacation home for kids, however I wouldn’t be able to maintain it. I am not sure whether he would agree to joint ownership with the title transfer to kids, once we pay it off. I am also not looking to split my 401K, there is a chance that he wouldn’t ask for alimony or my 401k, if I continue to cover all expenses for kids.

From one side, I don’t want to continue accumulating wealth with someone who doesn’t give a f… about my well-being and feelings… he is very judgy, holds grudge, tense, hard to make happy, etc…

From the other side, I want my kids to have both mom and dad…

Any thoughts? Advice?

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