Reply to How would you handle a family member incapable of understanding that your feelings differ from theirs?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You sound like my mom. If anyone reaches out to her with any kindness, she sees it as an intrusion or judgment.

“Thank you! I appreciate that you’re thinking of me. Thankfully we have savings so we aren’t struggling right now. I will use this gift card when we are all together for Thanksgiving.”

And the grieving thing is not fair. Nobody can read your mind (especially because you’re limited in what you share with them), so feeling angry that she is sending you cards on his birthday because you’re not upset is a you problem. [/quote]

I understand this. I don't invade other people's space, so I guess that's my issue. If I say I am fine, leave it/me alone. Doing otherwise reeks of you not respecting my boundaries and doing what makes YOU feel better. That's not goodwill.[/quote]

Honestly, I think that language for setting a boundary is not universally used or understood. Now, because YOU think "I am fine" established a boundary, from your perspective you are justified in feeling they are crossing it.

But a lot of people say "I'm fine" but aren't, don't want to be a burden, don't intend it as a literal and hard and fast boundary closing the topic. So a lot of people don't take it as a boundary. Does that make any sense?

So I think you need to use more words. Like, I have processed x's passing and have closure. I appreciate that you want to comfort me but it would be much more helpful if you stopped sending remembrances on their birth and death dates. Thank you for understanding. Then that's clearer.

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