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[quote=Anonymous]I’m a parent of a 14-year-old daughter (freshman, August birthday), and I’ve recently become suspicious that she might be meeting a boy she’s interested in at a local café after school. She says she’s going with a friend, and she does go there 1–2 times a week. I’ve seen her phone at the café and noticed she sometimes orders food through Apple Pay, so I know she’s actually there.

The boy in question is nearly two years older than her (he’s a redshirted sophomore) and is the older brother of one of her sports teammates. She met him through that connection. We’ve made it very clear that he is too old for her and that she isn’t allowed to “date” him, but we also told her we understand they may consider each other “boyfriend and girlfriend” at school. I know they run into each other at sports games and Homecoming, and I realize I can’t control what happens in public.

What makes me uneasy is that something I heard from one of her friends suggesting she might be covering for meeting him. She denied it and was upset that I even suspected her. I want to trust her, but I also know the teenage “game,” and I don’t know what to believe. I don’t mind if she interacts with him in a friendly, public capacity, but he’s too old for her to date, and I worry that if they get close now, it could lead nowhere good. My bigger concern is honesty, I won’t tolerate lying.

This is my first time navigating this kind of situation, and I’m unsure how to proceed. How do I talk to her about my concerns without driving a wedge or making her shut down? How do I enforce our rules about age and dating while still allowing her some social freedom?

Thanks in advance for any advice.[/quote]

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