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[quote=Anonymous]My parents visit us about once a year. They would like to come more often, but I always put them off until I feel so bad about not seeing them (and them not seeing our kids), that I cave. And every time, I think, "It won't be that bad. I'm blowing last time out of proportion." I always think I can just prepare better somehow - mentally prep myself and my kids, plan more activities or different activities or fewer activities, stock food they like in my fridge. I don't know. I'm wrong, every time. Honestly, if it was just my mom coming for a visit, it would be fine. And when telling the story of the things my dad does, they actually don't sound that bad and I feel crazy for getting so worked up about it.

So, this year, I had multiple conversations with them about the activities we had planned for the weekend, the food they wanted us to have in the house vs. the times we would eat out, the weather forecast. They were on board with everything. "Yes," they said, "that all sounds great."

They arrived Friday night and everything was fine. We had dinner at home with no problems.

The next morning, my dad slipped out of the house without saying anything and came back 20 minutes later with a box of donuts, coffee for me and coffee for my mom. The problem? My oldest has a dairy allergy and can't eat donuts. I don't drink coffee. And we had already brewed my mom coffee at home, which we bought specifically for her and had a conversation about how we would have it for her. So then I had to be the bad guy who told me kids they couldn't have donuts and act grateful for the coffee (while secretly dumping it), and waste the coffee we made for my mom, so she could drink the stuff my dad bought. Because if you're not grateful to my dad for going out of his way to do this, he will get offended, even though he made the morning more difficult.

The daytime activities were fine, except it was cold this weekend and, despite telling my parents to bring heavy coats for morning activities outdoors, my dad was not prepared and spent most of the time complaining about how cold it was.

In the evening, we had plans to go to a house party in the neighborhood. All of our kids' friends would be there and it is a very chill group, including new people and some other visiting grandparents. As we were walking out the door, my parents said actually they didn't want to go because it is too cold and they don't know anyone. Again, I [i]told[/i] them this party was happening and they said they would be happy to go. If they didn't want to, we could have declined the party and not told our kids about it. But pulling out at the last minute meant we had to tell our kids we weren't going, because we didn't want to be bad hosts who don't spend time with our guests, and we can see our friends another time. Thankfully, my parents recognized what a meltdown they were about to walk into by skipping the party, and came for a while before heading home.

Finally, I had arranged for my parents and I to have some parent-daughter bonding time hiking yesterday morning. Not strenuous hiking, just enjoying the fall leaves. My mom loves leaf peeping, and they are visiting at prime leaf season. Again, I talked to them about this before they visited, and made sure they knew the forecast for the weekend. So Sunday morning rolls around and my dad doesn't want to go, because it's too cold outside, so the three of us sat on the couch instead. Not even talking to each other, because my dad was just watching Instagram reels the whole time.

These things happen every time they visit, and still, it's like my guilt at not seeing them causes amnesia, and I go right back to thinking it will be better next time, or I can somehow plan my way out of my dad being a narcissist. What can I do? Any tips?[/quote]

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