Reply to SN “Believers” vs SN “Non-Believers” - how to do what is in the best interest of a child

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Reply to "SN “Believers” vs SN “Non-Believers” - how to do what is in the best interest of a child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, sometimes it's SN and also parenting could improve.

In grades PK4-4th I thought my DD had pretty subtle autism. Her PK4 teacher flagged it (and she was the mother of a girl with autism), a few elopements, significant sensory *under*sensitivity, hyperlexia, special interests, generally weak social skills and social anxiety/avoidance. No major behavior problem aside from eloping like 2-3 times total in her preschool/K years. In 5th grade she improved a lot socially and has less special interests, so now in 8th I wouldn't say she meets any ASD criteria, though she's still sensory under-sensitive.

My DH never really bought into the autism possibility, and he thinks it was never a thing. I think the massive effort I put into developing her social skills was effective. So of course it irritates me immensely that he reaps the benefit of my efforts and that my successful intervention is, to him, a reason to dismiss the entire problem and tell me that I was wrong all along. It sucks. But DD is okay now so I've had to let it go.[/quote]

You can’t actually social skills your way out of autism. [/quote]

DP here. I think you are right but I also want to acknowledge that PP was/is likely identifying a real neurodivergence in her kid. Due to the shift towards the ASD blanket diagnosis, her kid might actually get an ASD diagnosis but what's going on is distinct from a kid with classical autism. This is why we need a more nuanced diagnostic system for neurodivergence, because while I get why you might roll your eyes at this description and say "that's not autism," I also see where this parent is coming from in seeing that her kid needed extra supports and my interact with the world differently. I have a kid like this and it's kind of maddening that there is no way to describe them. My kid would 100% get an Aspergers diagnosis if that was still a thing, we've been told that by two specialists now. It's not, so it's "ASD" but we don't actually refer to her as having autism because we have multiple autistic kids in our family an their issues and challenges are so distinct from what our DD deals with, it's just clearly not the same (though very likely caused by the same genetic predispositions, so that's interesting too).

Anyway, please try to be understanding. It's not the PPs fault that there is no diagnostic term for her DD's challenges.[/quote]

Thank you! I'm not moving forward on the ASD thing because DD is doing fine but yes, it's frustrating and it's annoying how DH is about denying that my efforts made a difference. He's not knowledgeable about child development, like he would never know the term "elope" or recognize that poor sensory integration can include undersensitivity as well as oversensitivity. And of course it's possible to have below average social skills that aren't quite bad enough to be ASD, and sensory stuff isn't part of the DSM definition anyway, and what even counts as repetitive behavior-- everyone has their interests and their little routines. So there's sort of a gray area where the mildest cases are. And it doesn't seem worth the time and money to pursue it, at least for now. [/quote]

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