Reply to 45 and struggling about decision to try for second child

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[quote=Anonymous]Here is some perspective for both of you.

I am 51. Had first child at 42 and second at 45. DH is 55. I was in the exact same boat 6 or 7 years ago and am happy to report that things worked out great for us, having a second. Our boys are our world. But I will not kid you, there are issues to think about that would not be as important if you were 10 or even 5 years younger.

Some of the things you have mentioned are an issue at any age: Will a second child take time from your first (of course it will), will it rock the boat in your marriage (absolutely), are finances OK (I don't know, are they?) But some things are specific to your ages now. For example, give serious thought to your ability to incorporate a special needs child into your family. Always an issue, of course, but more important to consider as you will be older parents and, statistically, not as likely to be around for your kids as long as younger parents will be.

DH talks wistfully about "when he/ we retire." I laugh at him and remind him that he has a 6 year old.

And finally, this may sound a little weird and like something that you think won't bother you, but should be mentioned. Are you prepared to ALWAYS be the oldest parents around? To be a good 10 to 12 years older than the other parents in your youngest kid's class? 20 or so years older than your kids' teachers?  (Yes, even in DC, where people will tell you that there are a lot of older parents!) Mostly it's fine, but I do mention it, because it will pop up continually in ways that will surprise you. (Like when you are celebrating your 50th birthday and all the other moms are moaning about turning 40!)[/quote]

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