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[quote=Anonymous]I agree with PPs that your wife needs to learn to manage her anxiety around your DD's texts. I'll also suggest that it's likely your wife's responses to the reports of disaster from your DD are likely feeding the dynamic.

You mentioned "scary texts." Can you give an example?

You also mentioned "perceived crises," so I'll address those. These aren't crises, so there's nothing to get sucked into. Seriously. Keep saying this to yourself over and over. "This is not a crisis, so I'm not going to act as if it is." And the thing is, MOST things are not crises, no matter how upset DD is. She lost her keys, argued with her BF, got a C on a test, has an ugly pimple, spilled something on her keyboard--none of these things are crises. They can be managed without anyone losing their cool. They can certainly be managed without you or your wife losing their cool. And they should be managed that way, because there's a powerful message for her when you do so: I'm not losing my cool/overreacting/getting sucked in/sharing your anxiety over this because it's not a crisis. Don't say those words to here--SHOW her by your reaction.

It's also important that she solve these "crises" herself, or learn to live with them until they correct themselves (pimple, bad hair day, slept poorly, have a cold, etc etc). Don't step in to solve "crises" for her. She needs to learn that she can manage--that's an important part of tackling anxiety.

The correct reaction to these things is, "Sorry to hear that!" That's all. Where appropriate, maybe "Well, I'm sure it will work out" or something like that. And when the handwringing over something that is not a crisis goes on for longer than a few minutes, it's time to disengage. Change the subject or stop talking/texting. Engaging feeds the anxiety.[/quote]

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