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[quote=Anonymous]OP,

I have a friend with a son who sounds similar to yours.  And I would urge you to reflect on your dynamic with your son.  My friend absolutely feeds her son's anxiety and perfectionism.  When he starts spiraling and erasing and sharpening pencils and you can see him starting to get upset and flip out she immediately helps him and starts talking him down.  It is obvious that she is trying to avoid *more* stress, but what she does is reward him with her undivided attention for his behavior.  So it serves him to start spiraling because he gets his mother's undivided and total attention because he "needs" her.  After watching it happen a few times, I asked her if she ever thought of just making him responsible for doing his homework and whatever happens, happens.  If it takes 6 hours, that is his problem.  If he has a hysterical meltdown, it is his problem.  He can handle his homework any way he likes so if he wants it to be perfect it is at the expense of playing outside, watching TV, spending time with family, etc.  She looked at me like I was insane, but she tried it and it really helped to cut down the dramatics.

My own child has perfectionist tendencies, but she has a mother who thinks homework is largely ridiculous so she has been raised to know that we spend as little time on homework as possible.  I don't get involved at all.  She knows that if she gets stuck on a problem, she is to circle it and move on.  Once she is finished with the whole assignment, she goes back to the skipped problem and sets a timer for 5 mins.  If she can't work out the problem in that time, it goes undone and she asks about it in school the next day.  [/quote]

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