Reply to Brother-in-law asked for $5k

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[quote=Anonymous]My spouse (54 years old) mentioned that her brother (42 yrs old) asked for money. I (52 years old) said any amount up to $5k would be fine. She said her brother asked for $5k.

My brother-in-law is living in their parents’ house (my inlaws), and he has worked on and off in a call center and has worked as a receptionist and a telemarketer. He has three kids with his wife (divorced about 15 years ago). His wife cheated and got remarried and eventually received full custody of all the kids. My guess is that he is depressed.

We’ve always kept separate accounts (almost 30 years). She pays for the mortgage. I pay for utilities; car, housing, and health insurance; taxes; and HOA. We each fund the children’s college costs (State school). This $5k gift will not affect our kids’ college funds or our future retirement (I hope).

Growing up with immigrant parents who opened a mom-and-pop restaurant, I watched them fight over remittances (how much, how frequently, etc.). My dad’s family was huge and needy, and my mom’s family was  smaller and much more successful family (directors of large Fortune 500 corporations, kids going to Hopkins and Berkeley). My spouse and I grew up poor. She suffered food security and I did not—not that it’s a competition. We always agreed to never fight over money. So far we haven’t.

I can tell it means a lot to her. She is the big sister and always wanted to be there for her little brother (big age gap). She said that her brother never asked her for money before. Technically that’s not true: in the early 2000’s, we offered to pay for the brother-in-law’s community college tuition and school expenses. He asked if he could have that money ($4k) for a car instead. We said no.

I am nervous about the timing: we are both feds and it looks to be a scary right now. I know we can afford it but I am nervous.  The end result so far is that my spouse will give her brother the gift this weekend.

Would you do anything differently? [/quote]

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