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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The danger of these online articles is that all of us, ALL OF US, exhibit these characteristics. Anyone who claims to be blameless is a special kind of toxic. So if you look at your spouse, over a several-decade relationship, you'll see "subtle signs" of all kinds of dysfunction, because humans are all dysfunctional, flawed creatures. DARVO took over gaslighting as the diagnosis du jour, but the truth is that everyone gaslights sometimes, everyone has DARVO'd and will likely DARVO again.

What makes these things problems isn't the single issue or occasional presence of some of these characteristics. "Emotional abuse" is a long-term pattern of consistent behaviors, not being wrong/stupid/a jerk once. There has to be more to it than that, otherwise we're all "emotional abusers" and the whole idea loses meaning.

So while it's tempting to look at your spouse's behaviors and try to categorize them as THE dysfunction in your relationship, the more mature thing to ask is "where do I do this same thing?" Remember the old adage about pointing the finger, and how many fingers point back at you when you do. Then keep in mind that the only person you control is yourself, so there's not really much point in trying to label or blame others. If you're unhappy, leave. If you're honest enough to recognize your part in the problem (and 99% of the time, you have one), simply get about the business of adjusting your own behavior(s) and see what happens.

Posting one-sided stories on DCUM and asking strangers to validate your non-medical evaluation of a person they don't know is... a special kind of sick, honestly.[/quote]

Lol

Patterns are patterns. Know your truth.

I emailed myself at a separate account everytime he did this.

It’s disgusting to read that inbox.

The abuser really tried to isolate you as well. From friends and family. It could be their maladaptive cope to attempt to forget about their constant mistakes and poor comms, it could be deliberate, it could be both. [/quote]

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