Reply to How to deal with an angry and resistant AUDHD teen who also wants to go to college

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] could use some advice/commiseration. Son is almost 18. A senior who is college bound. Already been accepted to two engineering schools.

He has ASD and ADHD and major executive functioning issues where I have had to sit with him for the last 3 years, monitoring everything and reviewing to see if he did the assignment right, turned it in, etc. As you can imagine, that did wonders for our relationship. He is very rigid. can be mean when angry and is very angry. Angry at our help and says he never wanted it and we should have just let him manage. we told him we would back off but he would have to work with an executive functioning coach and get tutoring. He hates his coach probably because she challenges him. He wants zero help and for us to butt out of his life, let him do what he wants and handle his life how he wants. 
And, when he gets angry, it is so unpleasant and he brings up grievances from years and years ago and it becomes just an anger dump of stuff that he still can't let go of what we did wrong. 
The problem is that he also wants to go to college and if we do that, the odds are that his grades are going to be such that I don't feel comfortable paying tens of thousands of dollars. I thought for sure that he would be more open to figuring out how to manage his stuff with a third party but he is mad at her too now. The first question is should I just dump the executive functioning coach and tutoring and just let him sink/swim? 
 I guess the second question becomes this: has your rigid, refuse to listen but also refuse to acknowledge challenges ASD teen, ever come around to just saying " I need help." or "I want to figure out how to manage my life/work" or just say "I'm sorry for yelling at you-I know you have the best intentions" and talk in a way that is respectful and kind? 
I'm just feeling discouraged about my son's ability to hold on to anger, not be open to any advice at all, and whether we will ever have an open relationship. I am also concerned that if we are not comfortable sending him to college and tell him that. he will spiral downward. [/quote]

Do you or your son have a therapist?  I would deal with the anger issues because life is going to be nore difficult when he treats the outside just like he has been treating you.

Good luck!  It is so difficultcand as a fellow parent I wish you all the best[/quote]

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