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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister tried to commit suicide as a freshman in college she was diagnosed then with bi polar disorder.

When she was 13 they knew she needed help they never got her any.

She is now 51 and never got help. She has created a life for herself [b]but I will have zero contact with her[/b]. She's even an associate professor at a very well known college and married. [/quote]

That is pathetic of you as a sister by the way - it's your parents fault.  Not hers [/quote]

As the ex spouse of a person with bipolar, I would encourage you to have a little more empathy PP.  You don't know what the poster went through.  Also, while her parents should have helped her sister and her, many people don't know what to do for mental illness. I firmly believe that when we become adults, we are responsible for getting our own health, and her sister, if employed, likely has access to health insurance and thus treatment.

Bipolar, especially when unmedicated, can lead the person with bipolar to do things that would be considered abusive.  Sometimes this abuse or manipulation goes away when medicated, but sometimes it does not.  I navigate a very complicated situation with my kids (now young adults). We love dad, but to various degrees we have all had to set boundaries.  Because of the type of abuse I endured and the long period of abuse, my boundaries are much firmer than the ones my kids have set.  I basically no longer speak to my ex-husband unless there is an emergency regarding one of the children. When I speak to him or of him, of course, I strive to be polite and kind but also limited. I tell him nothing about my life or the kids' lives. I will do nothing for him. I will not socialize with him at all.  If I had not had kids with him, I would be zero contact with him.

While I can understand that some of his actions toward me were driven by illness, other behaviors were not driven by illness or continued when medicated. He has also made a choice at various times to not medicate, and while I understand that is his choice, because that choice impacts his behavior toward us, his choices have consequences in terms of whether or not we feel it is safe and enjoyable for us to spend time with him. He has also never chosen to recognize the consequences of his actions and make amends.

A person's bipolar doesn't mean that friends and family member must remain in contact and subject to their abuse.

I would feel quite differently about level of contact if my ex-husband had been medication compliant and diligent about seeing his psychiatrist and therapist regularly and interacting with them (and me) honestly.  But, the truth is that part of bipolar is that people often have anosognosia (inability to understand they are ill) or are otherwise in denial or dishonest about their illness, and bipolar patients often refuse medication (which I view differently than going on/off or otherwise changing medications at the direction of a psychiatrist).

OP, while I have directed my comments to PP, I hope I haven't scared you.  Bipolar can be highly treatable.  Regardless of the diagnosis your kid ultimately has, you have time, while they are under 18, to model and guide them to collaborate with their doctors, be honest about feelings and impact of medication, use other adjuncts like accommodations at school, and get them to sign paperwork (healthcare power and HIPAA waiver) so that you can still help them when they are over 18.  I know many socially and professionally successful people with bipolar. [/quote]

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