Reply to If you were married 20 years or more how long did it take you to get over your divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous]It's been 13 months since he blindsided me and I feel 90% over it.

He had an affair ten years ago and just kind of moped around about how it meant that he could only go out 90% of the time instead of 100% of the time. I am a SAHM with a chronic illness and I tried really hard to forgive, but you need the wound to be closed first for that to happen.

So I think I was just ready to be free of all of that stress and heartache. I could never feel safe. He's financially irresponsible, emotionally immature, and self-absorbed. I wish it had occurred to me to leave, but it seemed OK . . . we never fought, he gave me anything I asked for, we had an OK sex life. He makes a lot of money, so maybe that was a factor, I don't know. But it also means we can divorce and both be OK.

Anyway, a year ago I was a weeping mess, but i have been doing the work to grieve and find myself and practice gratitude.

Today my co-chump (the now ex-husband of the woman my stbx left me for) talked about what he does on his "lonely" weekends without his kids. I said, what if you called them your [i]restorative[/i] weekends? So much comes down to our mindset. Same facts, different way of looking at it.

My marriage is over. I didn't want this for my kids or myself, but I'm going to make it the best life I can, just like if I were paralyzed or widowed or whatever else could happen to me. I have so much to be grateful for.

And I've worked really hard to detach from my ex and reach indifference. He can never make up for his failures, but that's OK, I'm OK. I'm not worried about forgiveness right now. I'm just living in gratitude. I'm grateful for our kids. I'm grateful for the good times. I'm grateful it's over. I'm grateful I get to steer my own course now. [/quote]

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