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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can encourage gratitude without being emotional about it. I recommend addressing it after the fact or at the very least, calmly at the point of the incident.
For example, it's morning, everyone is rushing, child acts entitled. Deal with the situation calmly.
Later in the day when everyone is fed and not rushing, say, "I didn't like how you talked to me this morning. I don't mind giving you a ride when you miss the bus (for example) but next time, you could ask in a kinder way."

"I didn't like the way you talked to your dad this morning. It would be nice for you to acknowledge his efforts."

And then leave it at that for the moment.[/quote]
OP here—thanks for responding. What prompted this post was an event this weekend, and the overreaction that followed.

We spent the afternoon on Sunday shopping for some new fall clothes. Hours at the mall and in dressing rooms, buying clothes she didn’t exactly “need” but wanted. (Think jeans from American Eagle when one’s from Target would suffice.) We got Auntie Ann’s pretzels. A special candle from B&BW. It was a perfectly fun day. As we were leaving, she begged for this Japanese soda from the specialty store. The line was crazy long and I told her no, I wasn’t waiting, and since she didn’t have money of her own to wait, we left. Her attitude turned completely sour and she even ruined our family dinner by pouting and not eating. All because I wouldn’t stand in another line, spending more money on something she didn’t need, after spending the entire day shopping for her. DH and I blew up last night. I feel like I’m at my wits end.[/quote]

OK so we all agree that her behavior was inappropriate. I like to think that I would have told her at the table that she's free to excuse herself and leave if she cannot pull it together and behave, even just sitting there and not talking, during dinner. If she doesn't eat dinner for one night, so what. She can go to bed hungry; it won't kill her. Tell her this calmly rather than blowing up and ordering her to behave. [/quote]
OP here—we let her sit and sulk at the tables we definitely didn’t cater or order her to behave. The blowup came later in the evening at home when the behavior continued. I admit it wasn’t our best moment, either. I want to fix the way we handle her emotions, too. [/quote]

I agree don't beat yourself up.  It's very hard not to lose your cool.

What works best with my teens is completely ignore the pouting/sulking and then when the moment has passed, have the conversation and say the hard things.  Next time before you go shopping or embark on some really nice thing for her, lay out some expectations up front too.

I have one teen who is just more hard wired to be grateful and has better instincts in this area.  My other kid is harder.  Same household.  Same parents.  It's kind of basic math and I have said this to my kids very explicitly.  Dad and I want to do nice things for you.  We enjoy it.  It makes us happy to do things for you.  When you treat us like crap, it feels bad and we are less inclined to do nice things for you.  Outside of our family, other people will not always give you a second chance when you treat them like crap.  We always will but you need to know this is not how functional and healthy relationships work.[/quote]

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