Reply to MIL insists on buying big gifts for kids, without checking if they need/want/already have it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL is a fan of the large/dramatic gift.  Often it's more tailored toward getting her attention than whether the receiver really wants/needs it, but that's another post.  For example, when I was pregnant, she went out and bought me a fancy for my baby shower, and of course made a big show of presenting it.  It was a nice stroller, but I had already put a lot of thought into that purchase and planned to buy a different one more suited to my needs and preferences (for myself -- I didn't ask her for it.)  I felt like I couldn't return the one she bought, but I couldn't justify -- or store -- two strollers, so I was stuck.  I resent her every time I use the damn thing to this day.

Now she is doing the same thing with the kids for Christmas.  She won't ask us what they want/need or even run an idea by us.  We've sent her their amazon wish lists and she ignores them. She wants everything to be a huge surprise, and the whole family has to ooh and aah over it.  [b]This year she bought DD1 a big plastic play kitchen.[/b]  I am so pissed.  I had already picked out a super cute wooden one that is the perfect size and color for our house to buy for DD's birthday next month, and I was SO excited to buy it.  Now I can't.  MIL bought DD2 a tricycle.  If she had asked she would know that we already have an almost identical (but actually better) one that we got as a hand me down a few months ago, as well as a balance bike and a scooter.  Now we have to use the one MIL bought instead of the many riding things already overflowing our garage.

I know you're supposed to just grin and accept these in-law gifts, but I am getting sick of being pre-empted out of buying the things I have chosen.  Yes I know I could buy two, but it would be terribly wasteful, and we don't have space for a lot of big things, and MIL visits often enough to know if I get rid of the one she bought.  She gives everything already put together under the tree so it's not like it could be easily returned, and she never offers a gift receipt or anything.

Would it be terrible to just give her a heads-up that in the future she might want to check with us before buying and putting together large gifts for the kids?  We hate for her to waste her hard-earned money on something they already have or something we have already chosen for a reason she does not know about (e.g. space, color, etc.)  DH would be the one to say it of course, but she would know it comes from both of us.[/quote]

Do your in-laws live in the area? We told our parents if they bought DD anything over a certain size, it would be staying at their house, and DD could play with it when she came for a visit. You could explain to them that buying your DD a gift that was too large to keep is not a "thoughtful gift" but rather a recipe for heartbreak when they are inevitably forced to give it up.[/quote]

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