Reply to If your spouse works a lot, how do you manage expectations about your own availability?

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband works a lot and unpredictable hours. I work, but less and do the vast majority of the childcare and housework. I have expressed my preference for him to work less and earn less repeatedly but have generally made peace that this is how it’s going to be. So I am basically on call for the kids 24/7 (one has SN) and will occasionally need to catch up on my own work in the evening if I’ve been out a lot for appointments. I also tend to wake up early to exercise and am the one to get up with kids if they wake up early. My husband routinely has nights he works very late (past midnight) and then the next night he might crash as soon as the kids are asleep. But he gets frustrated if he randomly has a night he’s not working or exhausted and I am not available, either because I am tired from a super early wake up or have a call scheduled with a friend or something like that. Increasingly it’s hard to shake the feeling he expects me to just be available and waiting for him at all times. I have tried asking that we pick one night he won’t work so I can make sure I’m available but he doesn’t feel he can commit to that. I still find him fun and interesting and I know he’s trying to prioritize our kids in his own way but I am tired of being blamed for us not spending time together when the majority of the time it’s his work that’s in the way. I know There are a lot of spouses that work a lot on here - how do you manage this? [/quote]

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