Reply to The fine line between not accommodating and unconditional emotional support

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, I have a child with severe anxiety, and there are going to be moments when the anxiety is overwhelming. When this happens, I scaffold — so with the hair washing, maybe you help wash their hair, or rinse it or talk them through it — something where they have to do it, but they are feeling supported.

An example from my DC is that they are quite scared of insects, and the red lantern flies are a trigger. So when DC sees them, DC isn’t allowed to not walk to wherever we were walking, but I will hold their hand, or they can run, or I can remind them the whole time that they can do it and that I know it’s scary for them. If they really won’t walk, we just stay as long as DC needs to calm down and figure out how they want to tackle it. Sometimes DC will have a meltdown and it will take us 20 minutes to manage it.

FWIW, DC started medication last year and it was super helpful. Panic attacks turned into meltdowns and better ability to cope. [/quote]

Have you consulted with therapists on this approach?[/quote]

PP here. Yes, this is the approach recommended by DC’s therapist.

Accommodating anxiety is the worst thing a parent can do - it signals to the child that the “thing” they are anxious about is actually something to be anxious about. Instead you support the child to face their anxiety and they learn that 1) they can do it, and 2) the thing is not something to actually be anxious about.

My DC does CBT and ERB to help them manage their anxiety - meds help, too. I also did SPACE therapy so I understand how to not accommodate the anxiety— it’s not intuitive to me to do that.

My DC has made a huge amount of progress, but still a ways to go. Anxiety can really be limiting if untreated, and even when I think DC has mastered a fear, it can have moments when it comes back. [/quote]

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