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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't know if this holds true for you, but listening to friends and other posters on this site, I have a theory:

Our in-laws bug us, because most of the things that annoy us about our spouse are traits that hold true for their entire family, but without the being-in-love factor to dampen our annoyance.

Passive-aggressive, avoider spouse?  Same with in-laws.

Argumentative, irrational spouse?  Same with in-laws.

Inconsiderate, self-absorbed spouse?  Same with in-laws.

Just a thought.[/quote]

Not always.  In our case, many of the traits that bother me most about my in-laws, also bother my spouse.  My spouse moved far away from the family after college in part to get away from many of those same things that annoy me about my in-laws.  In other respects, my spouse is similar to the in-laws, but has worked over the last 14 years that we've been together to stop some of the annoying traits and so is far less so.

Our biggest problem is that our family communication styles are the exact opposite.  My family is a brash, loud immigrant family who talks over each other and is very explicit about what we want.  My in-laws find this to be rude and imposing.  They try to be non-confrontational and when asked if they like/want anything they say everything is "fine" and that anything is okay with them, but they aren't happy when things aren't the way they want them, but won't say anything.  You have to read their minds and figure out what they really want.  I leave it to my spouse to figure out and interpret what they really want.  For example, for health reasons, they have dietary restrictions that I would be happy to observe, but they always say we can go anywhere for lunch/dinner.  So I pick, then later find that while they enjoyed dinner, they were upset because there was nothing on the menu that they could really eat on their diet and they have problems eating near us.  Had they mentioned the dietary restrictions we could have chosen a place to eat that would fit their requirements.  So we learn about this one thing, and then the next issue rears its ugly head.  Some times, my visits with my inlaws feels like trying to solve the Da Vinci Code and we've been married for 11 years and together for 14.[/quote]

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