Reply to Feeling frustrated about wife’s lack of interest in building a social circle

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[quote=Anonymous]My wife and I moved to our neighborhood four years ago, and have trouble making friends to varying degrees. For some background, we have a 5 year old and 1 year old. We lived in DC, but moved out to the suburbs when our daughter was 1. My wife had a core group of three other friends, but by the time we moved, the other girls were in the process of moving elsewhere in the area/ out of the region all together (that’s not why we moved, it just happened to occur at the same time). Her friends moving was particularly hard as her best friend, who was the glue of this group, moved to the other side of the country.

When we moved to the suburbs, we aimed to have a strong group of friends like we had before. To that end, we specifically choose a neighborhood that we knew had a lot of young families, even though it was more expensive.

In the four years that we’ve lived here, we’ve had mixed results with making friends. I’ve been able to make friends with some of the Dads in the neighborhood/our daughter’s school. However, things have been a bit harder for my wife. She’ll get invites from people to have play dates, but rarely reciprocates. We’re both on a few group chat threads, and whenever someone says “let’s meet up at a playground,” my wife’s response is “you should go, I don’t feel like being social”. Whenever I mention trying to get together with some of the other Moms we know, her response is “oh, (name of Mom) is a weirdo” or “they won’t want to get together with me, they already have friends.”

On one hand, I empathize with her; I’m an introvert too, and I recognize that socializing doesn’t always come easy. And yes, I recognize that some of these other Moms are weird. On the other hand, it’s frustrating to hear her complain about how she wishes she had friends, when it feels like if she got out of her shell a bit, her social life would be better, and maybe she shouldn’t be looking for this unicorn of a best friend. It just feels like she thinks that a friendship is going to appear out of nowhere, and that’s not the case, she does have to work at it.

Am I off base in feeling frustrated about this?[/quote]

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