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[quote=Anonymous]I am in no way an expert, but instead of focusing on him accepting his diagnosis, could you focus on the behaviors?  I understand that there may be coping strategies that are helpful for ADHD, but couldn’t he use those strategies even if he doesn’t agree he’s ADHD.  Instead of saying “Here’s a tip that helps people with ADHD”, you could say “Here’s a tip for people who have problems with organization, time management, etc.”After all, there’s a lot of gray area between a type A perfectionist and someone with an ADHD diagnosis, and a lot of those people struggle with time management, organization, etc.  Maybe you could get him an executive function coach, a book on time management, or find some useful Youtube videos (that are intended for a general audience, and not specifically those with ADHD).  You could recommend strategies you’ve found helpful from your own experience with ADHD, or even research ADHD resources yourself for ideas that might help him, just drop the ADHD references when you’re talking to him.

In the end, the diagnosis only matters in so far as it helps him solve problems.  Claiming the diagnosis without changing his behavior will accomplish nothing.  However, if he is able to find ways to function better, the label doesn’t really matter.

I get the impression that because you and your husband are ADHD, you’re sensitive on the subject and see his rejection of the label as a rejection of you.  I think you need to distance yourself and not take it personally.  Teenage is a time when you want to be just like everyone else.  Everyone wants to be cool and in charge.  Accepting the label probably feels like giving up and putting a label on his forehead that he can’t handle things on his own.  (Granted, many of his peers almost certainly have ADHD diagnoses, but teens are too self-centered to take that into account).

I think if you focus on the strategies for a while and drop the ADHD part he’ll either be able to find a method that works for him to get his life under control and he can lead a successful life denying he has ADHD, or he’ll get to the point where he’ll have to admit what he’s been doing isn’t working and be more open to giving something new (ADHD treatment) a try.
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