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[quote=Anonymous]Hi all,

I (34F) am a single mom by choice to a 4-year-old daughter. I have stable employment, own my home outright, carry no debt, and run two successful careers (financial advisor + wedding photographer). That context matters because it ties into the issue.

My background: I spent my early years in an orphanage, was adopted into an abusive family, and got kicked out at 14 for being gay. Thankfully, my caseworker took me in, and I now call her “mom.” Life has been tough, but I worked hard to build stability and independence for myself and my child.

My girlfriend (44F) is a highly regarded doctor. She grew up in poverty as one of eight siblings and has supported her parents/siblings most of her life. Out of the eight, only two really “made it,” and she’s the second oldest. She’s closest to one particular sister (30F) — and that sister absolutely hates me.

Some context:
	- my girlfriend mostly raised her three youngest siblings (F30, F28, M26)
         - closest with F30 sister who hates me 
         -F30 sister is in an abusive marriage with a 14-year-old son.  Doesn’t want to divorce till he’s 18 and out of house.
          - depends heavily on my girlfriend for financial, emotional support 
          - thinks I’m just with my girlfriend for money

For full transparency: yes, my girlfriend makes about $90k more than me annually. But she pays hefty alimony to her ex-husband and still has med school loans. Our net worth is actually pretty similar. I’ve never needed anyone financially — in fact, I take deep pride in my independence. If anything, my trauma makes me more hesitant to rely on others.

The truth is, I’ve never loved anyone like I love my girlfriend. She’s incredible, and I’m all-in. We’ve taken things slow because of my child, but this sister made up her mind about me before even meeting me.

I don’t think it’s truly about me. I suspect it’s codependency — she sees me as a threat to her bond with my girlfriend. But it still hurts. As someone without much family, I’d never want to get between my girlfriend and hers, but I also won’t accept being treated like garbage.

Here’s the kicker: we live across the country from her sister, but she’s openly saying she plans to divorce her husband (who is abusive/cheating) and move in with my girlfriend once her son graduates high school in 3 years.

So my questions:
	•	Has anyone else dealt with a partner’s sibling hating them?
	•	Is there any way to change her mind about me?
	•	Or do I just need to accept she’ll always dislike me and focus on boundaries?

She’s the only sibling with an issue — but because she’s the “favorite,” it weighs heavily on me.[/quote]

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