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[quote=Anonymous]Ok, just to clarify:

The girls had some kind of disagreement at school in which your DD felt the other girl was being unkind and said so. So she said something like "you're mean" or "you're a mean girl." Is that correct?

The teacher saw the incident and spoke to the girls. Both girls were upset? Is that correct? And the teacher comforted both girls or just your DD? Did the teacher do anything else?

The other girl told her parents about what happened, and specifically about your DD saying their child was being mean or unkind (what word was used? do you know?). Whatever she told them triggered the parents to think this needed to be addressed, so they reached out to the teacher and to you. Did you actually speak to them? It sounds like they reached out to you several times but you haven't spoken to them yet? What form did these communications take? Have your responded and how?

The teacher has also reached out to you since the other girl's parents reached out to the teacher, right? Did the teacher suggest the conference, or did the teacher just say the other parents want the conference? Is anyone at the school other Than the teacher involved at this point?

Your daughter has since forgotten about the incident and moved on. How many days have passed? Has your daughter interacted with the other girl since it happened? Are they playing together again or is there a rift?

OP: I get why you are being vague, but the vagueness is opening up the possibility that you or your daughter may be in the wrong. The biggest issue here is *exactly* what your DD said to the other girl to communicate that the other girl was being unkind. What precise words did she use? Some words carry a lot of weight and the other parents could be forgiven for reacting strongly. Did she use words like bully or "mean girl"? There are good reasons why parents would want to be ensure their child doesn't get labeled with those words.

And it also sound like you maybe could have avoided the school meeting if you'd responded more directly to the parents when they reached out, at least hearing out their concerns. If they think there is a problem here and you don't, they may feel they have no choice but to go through the school if you won't work with them. Hard to say if this is reasonable or not without knowing exactly what was said or how the girls are acting with one another now.

Finally, based on your comments here, I suspect English may not be your first language, and/or that you may be from another country or culture. Gently, do you think any of this might be due to miscommunication or misunderstandings in language or cultural expectations? Do you think there might be a valid conflict in here that you may be missing because you lack cultural context? Just a thought.[/quote]

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