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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First of all, I'm so sorry.

In order to work on forgiveness in my own (somewhat different, but related) situation, I'm doing the following:

1) Looking at the things I've been forgiven of or want to be forgiven of - even by myself. Knowing you aren't perfect helps you forgive others.

2) Understanding that forgiving isn't always forgetting/reconciling. [b]I can still want what's best for other people (forgive them) without restoring my relationship with them to what it was. [/b]If someone has shown who they are and isn't ready to apologize and change, that means I will treat them more guardedly from now on. But it doesn't mean I will want them hurt or obsess over their bad behavior. I'll just...let them go. This is hard if they are in a position to repeatedly continue to hurt you, so boundaries are necessary if they won't change.

3) Trying to believe the best about people. This means understanding their own mitigating factors. If someone is super image conscious, then...you just can't expect better of them and that's really rough.

I'm so sorry that you have gone through a lot, OP. And you should be proud of yourself for trying to forgive, for your own sake.[/quote]

All of this is excellent advice but the bolded is particularly pertinent. You can forgive someone but that doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them going forward.[/quote]

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