Reply to At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm seeking a sanity check on whether these things are reasonable.  I'm most interested in hearing from people who are well off but not rich, with adult kids in their twenties who graduated from college without debt and have good jobs.

1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans?  I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement.  Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc?

2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost?  What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it?

3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip?  For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc?

4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs?  Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities?

5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans.  Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit?   And if there is a schedule conflict?

6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned?  If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too?  [/quote]

1.  No for weddings or down payments; maybe for grad school, if working is not a hardship for me.
2.  Luckily I don’t have this issue.  If I did, I would probably go separate finances (as far as discretionary spending) with my spouse.
3.  I treat them like any other guest, so “no” to airline tickets, “of course” to groceries, and “it depends” to dining out.
4. I cover joint activities that I pick.  I pay if it’s my invitation.
5.  Yes to use of the car, but in case of a conflict, my schedule is a priority unless we discussed it beforehand.
6. See #1.

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