Reply to Post-divorce relationships and meeting/getting to know the family

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Post-divorce relationships and meeting/getting to know the family"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My brother got divorced about 7 years ago. His ex-wife was a very good friend of mine (I didn't introduce them but knew her well for years before they got together) and I was really sad when they split up. She is now mostly not in my life. I see her sometimes at functions for her kids (my nieces) but we don't socialize otherwise because it's too awkward.

Three years ago my brother started dating another woman. They decided to move in together and blend their families, but they didn't get married. They say it was because they both have minor kids and getting married complicates things like college financial aid, so it's easier to keep their finances somewhat separate. My Girlfriend-in-law (GIL) is nice and friendly. She clearly wants to get along well with my brother's family. She's probably not someone I would choose to be friends with the way I would with his ex-wife, but I have no problem with her as a SIL.

The issue is that because they never got engaged and married, and because their relationship proceeded so quickly, it all feels really abrupt to me and I still just do not think of the GIL or her kids as family, and it feels weird to me. GIL will call our kids "cousins" and I find it jarring -- I think of them more like I think of the kids of my college friends. I also am reluctant to fold her into my concept of family because I *did* think of the ex-wife as family for many years and now she's not in my life at all, and I could easily see that happening with his girlfriend and her kids -- things are going well now but they are both coming from failed marriages and they both of strong personalities and some impulsive tendencies, and I wouldn't be shocked if they split up within the next 5-10 years. And since they aren't even married, there are few obstacles to them breaking up and for her and her kids to disappear from my life altogether.

Does anyone else have this issue? I wish there were more protocols for how people folded new relationships into their extended family after a divorce. The first time around, my brother and his ex dated for several years, then moved in together, then got engaged, then there was a big wedding where the families came together. So it felt very natural and I felt genuinely close to my SIL by then. But there's been none of that with the GIL but I feel like I'm expected to have the same degree of closeness and familiarity, not just with her but with her kids, and I just don't. I don't dislike them, I just don't feel close to them and it bugs me that they seem to assume we are close.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics