Reply to Expectations for 3rd grader

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wake my kids up, make them breakfast, and pack their lunch. They are middle and high school.  I like the connection and they do too.  These aren’t hard things to do and doesn’t need to be explicitly taught.  They have the rest of their lives to be on their own.  I also make my husband lunch.  These are acts of love and caring for your family. [/quote]

I like this response. Something I think about often when it comes to independence in my kids is whether they are ready to independently do something up to a standard that would be appropriate for a healthy, functional adult. If the answer is yes, I'm happy to hand it over to them. If the answer is maybe, then it's something I need to facilitate but maybe they can take more responsibility for. And if it's no, then I need to keep doing it for them because they need to keep seeing the example of how it needs to be done properly. Examples:

Making beds. Making a bed is not hard and also it doesn't need to be impeccable to be serviceable even for an adult. Once a kid can adequately make their bed, I ask them to start doing it themselves.

Haircare for a kid with long hair. This takes a while to learn but also kids want autonomy over their appearance. So this is one where I will provide the tools and let her do it herself, but also make myself available to help as needed because sometimes it will be needed. It's okay that she's not totally independent on it, but I do want her to feel like the task belongs to her and I'm just there to scaffold.

Making lunch. If I put my 3rd grader in charge of making her own lunch, she'd pack a bunch of goldfish and cookies and nothing else. If I want her to eat protein, fruits, and veggies, I have to prepare them (and put effort into making sure they are prepared in a way she will eat). I'd rather make her lunch for her for the foreseeable future, knowing she is eating a healthy, balanced meal every day, then push her to do it independently before she's ready and deal with the negative consequences (not just the poor nutrition, which of course we can make up at home, but being hangry and irritable at school all day because she didn't pack a filling, nutritious lunch).[/quote]

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