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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Male friendships - what counts"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If we could go back to families hanging out together this might not be an issue The generations before us got this right. BUt we;ve become insular and wonder why we don't have adult relationships. [b]If getting together for dinner or to watch the game is too much.[/b] If the idea having the kids running around and not curating every moment is too much. If your kids each have 5 activities, you're out of luck If you can't ever have a babysitter you're out of luck [/quote] Does everyone you know say this? I find that to be incredible. Not that I think you're lying, just shocked that people don't make more of an effort to be social. And I'm an introvert, by the way, but we do dinners with friends, watch games together, etc. quite a bit. Maybe start with one of your kid's classes and issue a big invitation and see who shows up? You may end up with some duds and have to cull the invitations over time but at some point hopefully you'll find people who want to spend time together. I know kids are busy, mine both play a super demanding sport, but there is SOME time in each week, so try to find the people who are willing to spend it doing something fun.[/quote] DP you can make all the effort you want but [i]other people[/i] have to make the effort to be available, and all too often they're just not. I get it, they are busy, I'm busy too, everybody's busy. But after enough responses of "yeah I think I can maybe do something on Sunday afternoon for a couple of hours a month from now" you kinda give up on that guy.[/quote] I'm the PP and I understand it can be difficult to schedule stuff but what about saying hey let's do a BBQ for Labor Day - no one would come to that?[/quote] You aren’t making real friends in these monthly family dinners - you are better acquaintances and that’s fine, but it takes hours of more idle conversational time to make a real friend. https://news.ku.edu/news/article/2018/03/06/study-reveals-number-hours-it-takes-make-friend Time spent playing sports or cooking together is pleasant and helps build rapport but it’s not going to cut it. You need a weekly meetup with some open endless to it, to foster it. We found when we invited people it was kind of awful in our small old house, and we spent the whole time prepping food and cleaning and not even conversing with anyone. When you are in t your 20s you headed to a coffee shop or restaurant and just hang out there, but for a family that is $$$ and hard with such large groups. We need a third place for families that won’t break the bank…[/quote]
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