Reply to Male friendships

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Male friendships - what counts"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m definitely in a situation similar to many DH, where my friend group went out away once I had had kids. We moved to the suburbs and a new city. When we know no one, I have no idea how to make friends that are really meaningful because it takes a lot of proximity and time, just idle time to build that rapport.

My work draws people from all over the DMV, so no one lives within an hour of where I live, and actually none of my coworkers have kids either so it really is kind of a mismatch and phase of life

The author of this article talks about how we reconnect with his college roommate and older friends, but does not really address how to make friends if you’re someplace where your old friends are not nearby?

[b]Has anyone had any success improving their friendship a lot when they live in a place where they do not have any old friends and they have to start fresh at middle age as a dad?[/b]

[/quote]

My husband had friends in high school (really from K on), some of whom went to college with him. He then made friends in college, who ended up in the DC area after college so they stayed friends. Then he made some work friends up there.

We moved about 4 hours away from DC 6 years ago and had zero friends in the new town. We both work, so we met people that way (neither of us knew anyone in the new offices before moving here), but no deep friendships or anyone we spend time with outside of work.

For us, the neighborhood we moved into has been key. There are a ton of families with kids 4 years younger to 4 years older than ours (and some others with even older and younger kids but most of our friends have kids closer in age to ours) and they happen to be amazing people. I have a best friend of over three decades who doesn't live near me but I remain close to, and three best friends from college who live all over but I see 3-4 times a year, but I've made some best friends in this neighborhood who I get to see all the time and it has been wonderful. The guys my husband is now close with are great husbands, great dad, and all around great guys. We couldn't have been any luckier moving near them.

I suppose it's possible that our neighborhood is one in a million, but I will say that the other parents we have met from our kids' school who don't live in our neighborhood (they go to a private school so the families are all over this area) have also been great and I genuinely enjoy spending time with them. It's harder to do that since they don't live close so there aren't many impromptu get togethers, but I feel like I'm surrounded by great people with similar values who will hopefully be lifelong friends. So I guess all I can suggest is to work on spending time with people until you find the ones you really like. Maybe plan a playdate/activity for the kids and dads, plan an outing for the dads, or plan a party for the adults. I feel like I sussed out pretty quickly who I liked and wanted to spend more time with and then I nurtured those relationships. I know it's hard because I never feel like I have enough hours in the day with work and life but I've never regretted the time I've spent getting to know people. It does take work though.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics