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[quote=Anonymous]What would you do to handle this situation -

My mil historically overstays and is quite intrusive. Examples: she has literally invited herself on a vacation with us without telling us by buying her own ticket and showing up. Then there are your more standard things like coming over unannounced, coming to our house when we are not there to poke around, inviting herself to dinner when my DH and I say we are going out. Like she will literally say “oh I’ll come!” And grab her purse so the only way to disinvite her is to say “actually we are just going alone.” And then she asks ok, purses her lips, and gets this sullen look on her face like we’ve deeply offended her.

I get it, she’s lonely and wants company. We already see her at least once a week.

Over the years much better boundaries have been put in place so it is manageable.

One morning she texted asking if she could bring a dish by in the afternoon. So kind of her. Great. So I said yes, and thank you.

She ends up coming around 5p and then gets comfortable in the house. Then she lingers as I begin to make dinner, does not take any cues like “thanks so much for bringing over food. We will see you soon.” She literally just sits back down. It is clear she is staying for dinner.

So what would you do? On the one hand it’s one dinner and no big deal and I can have grace and be a kind host. On the other hand the overarching history of behavior makes it really triggering for me. This is something I need to constantly deal with. On top of it, I am recovering from something and really did not want her company during this time.

In addition, my kids and dh literally vacationed with her the last 9 days and spent every day with her so it’s not like she hasn’t seen us and is just missing them. I have also, including my husband, had numerous candid and kind conversations with her around this type of overbearing behavior. Sometimes it helps a little, but over all I think it’s engrained in her and she will persist. It just makes it really difficult for me to be around her because there is this constant more more more energy.

Help a girl out. I’m looking for real advice here to help me handle this ongoing behavior better and without getting so frustrated.

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