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[quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, OP.

You can't change people though. Either he is self-centered or has executive function disorders or finds his family of origin a problem. It's hard to know, and he probably won't tell you what he's thinking.

I had a similar situation with friends and realized I was going to stop giving more than I was getting. This was quite freeing.

My husband suggested I keep these people "on the bookshelf" but place them lower and into the corner. So, basically, forge other connections with people who will match and respond to your energy, and consider developing community and your own family elsewhere. Then, when your brother does feel like getting together, you can do it or not.

Once I did the above, I felt so much better. In my case, I had to go low contact with a mentally disordered sibling who brings too much manipulation and drama into my life. I have to face the fact their kids probably will stop talking to me even though they call their own parent (my sibling) "controlling" and note that "everyone knows" that parent is a hoarder. But, still, I am somehow a thief and a bad person in general. It's better to be away from any lies, manipulation, and drama.

This is not an easy path, yet you will feel much better with new and more solid connections. Instead of trying for what you can't have, you'll be able to have what you want with different people.

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