Reply to DW with Borderline Personality Disorder? Depression? Bi-polar disorder?

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[quote=Anonymous]You sound like a caring DH with a big problem -- I know, BTDT. Depression or bipolar disorders are terrible diseases and they need to be treated. Most people do not know that it is a disease, which can and often is fatal. The person gives up, or has an accident or other.
Clinical depression (which is what it sounds like your wife has) is a state of mind that is difficult to describe to someone who has never experienced it. It goes beyond sadness and becomes a worldview. The person is entirely convinced that their negative and melancholy view and rages  are the absolute correct one and everyone else just doesn’t get it. They may feel sad, but the feelings are far beyond that. Depressions like this are external -- they are not directly related to anything in particular, although things aggravate it. Rage is a from of depression.

As for exposing a child of 5 years old to that. Very, very hard on a child. Try to limit the time your DW spends with your child while in this state of mind. Very frightening and distorted to a child. Daycare, nanny, preschool—whatever it takes.
As for working: many depressed individuals throw themselves into work and do quite well. That is not an adequate measure of a person’s mental state. (There are studies about this).

There are excellent books on depression and bipolar illness at any bookstore that explain this far better than I ever could.
The best therapy is medication. Try to find and understanding and sympatric doctor who can help your wife understand that taking a medication is not an admission of mental illness. She can try it for awhile and see what she thinks afterwards. Most people think more clearly and are much happier. It is such a waste of everyone’s life and so damaging to your child to be in this state of mind. I wish you all the best, and I hope this helps.
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