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[quote=Anonymous]I’m 51, my mom is 88. She is getting ready to go into a transitional independent living – assisted living – skilled nursing facility near where 3 of my siblings live. It is past time – beginning signs of dementia, fall risk, etc. As expected, her emotions are all over the place. She knows it’s time and I cannot care for her, but she wants to stay at her apartment and keeps saying she won’t bother me anymore.  Every few weeks I am taking her to the ER for one issue or another. And most times her issues are dismissed because... she’s old. It is hard to diagnose causes of pain (my whole body is sore!), “wobbliness”, etc. when someone already has many underlying conditions (COPD, thyroid issues, kidney issues, compressed spinal cord, etc…). She falls, they do x-rays, but if nothing is broken, home she goes. I have been taking her out once a week for shopping over the last year – most Saturdays I spend with her. I take her to all her doctor appointments.  It has been exhausting. Add in the dementia… I need someone else to take over.
A co-worker (2nd generation child of Vietnamese immigrant) made a comment about how sad we dump our elders at a time they need us. She is old and confused, she should be taken care of by family. My cousin (a doctor) said a big move like this at an advanced age decreases life expectancy.
I work full time – no way I could stay home and take care of her. Plus I have 2 teenagers that I want to be there for. Running my mom around takes time away from my children.
Honestly, I don’t feel guilty, but I do feel sad for her. Her mom was in a transitional facility for her last few years.  I plan on moving into some sort of community that offers transitional care well before “it’s time”. I do not want to be a burden to my children.  
However, it is an interesting observation. I know “dumping” is the American way. It is also compounded by larger age gaps. If I was retired and my children grown, I may have been more willing to do more for longer.
Thoughts? Anyone else in this boat?
 
 [/quote]

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