Reply to Is Andropause real?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is Andropause real?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My friends all have DHs 44-48, and they’ve all lost their damn minds. Affairs, mental health crises, lost jobs, wanting to randomly move abroad, alcoholism, you name it and some guy has done it since turning 44/45.

Someone said this is biological and is male menopause. Seriously? If it can be explained that easily, why aren’t we medicating them to the gills the way we do for erectile dysfunction?

I really want to believe this is a biological thing that we can fix so families can be saved. I don’t want to think that most of my friends’ husbands have turned into irrevocable overnight disasters.[/quote]

Yes, I think there’s something to this. My DH has changed in many ways over the years, and not for the better. There were probably glimmers of it in his early/mid 40s, it became more obvious in his late 40s, and has gotten worse from there. No affair or substance abuse, but just bad decisions for which he’ll take no responsibility or even see, a profound self-centeredness and lack of empathy, a loss of social/interpersonal skills, impatience and moodiness, etc. He was not always like this.

I do think for women that when things seem off, we look inward, blame ourselves, and seek help. It’s not hard to come up with information on menopause, peri, or resources to look to for help with whatever it is. We are more likely to address our mental health, men see doing this as a weakness or are too proud to even acknowledge it. Men do not have the support or level of introspectiveness women have, and my DH instead blames everyone/everything else when he is unhappy.

My kids (middle/high school aged) have asked why I married him, one literally asked if I wished I’d married an old boyfriend instead. They have asked me to get divorced because sometimes DH is really, really difficult to be around. My DH isn’t the only one. My kids have friends who literally hate or never see their fathers (parents have gotten divorced) because the men are so far gone.

I don’t know what the future holds but for now I do the best I can. DH is absolutely not the man I married, or at least thought I was marrying.  He is difficult, but it also makes me really sad. I miss my old best friend and instead feel like I’m appeasing a toddler all the time. We are in our 50s now. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics